By: Eve Estelle
Dear father mine, the stars sing their lament
In sorrow and in praise; for like a dream
You've gone, left but a shade, to walk among
The heavens, far across that pearly stream.
On Earth below, we are left to wonder,
Shall we meet again at the golden gates?
By a twist of fate were torn asunder,
Least I know who on the other side waits.
But still I long for the sun's blazing smile,
The merry laugh that fueled its fire, and the
Hours spent beneath its rays. Mark the dial -
Two years dark; I gaze at the night's river,
And vow always to recall your life's days,
That forever with me your spirit stays.
Author's note: This was written for a class of mine, and it attempts to follow the rules for an English/Shakespearean sonnet (there are probably some inconsistencies, especially when it comes to stresses). It's a bit clunky, but as far a first sonnet goes, I'm satisfied enough with it (for now)! As always, I'm open to any suggestions for improvement!
Elements of an English sonnet:
- 14 lines
- Three quatrains and a couplet.
- Iambic pentameter
- 10 syllables per line, in an unstressed/stressed pattern.
- Rhyme scheme: ABAB CDCD EFEF GG
- Volta
- A shift or turn in thought or argument; here it occurs around line 13.
Thank you! No poetry skills needed for helpful feedback - anything helps, and the thoughts of regular readers, prose and poetry writers alike are all valuable to me. Even something as little as "this part reads funny," or "I didn't understand so-and-so.." Anything. :)
ReplyDeleteThanks so much for dropping by, Stephanie! Glad you liked it!
I had a class on Shakespeare's sonnets. I must say that your last quatrain really reminds me of his sonnets and it's really well written. This poem is really special. Also it is not only sadden but has so much power in it and I just love it. :D
ReplyDeleteYou know what, I sort of got the Shakespeare-ish vibe from it after writing, too lol. I think it's largely because of the sun metaphor -- Shakespeare used that one quite a bit in his sonnets. Thank you so very much. <3
DeleteSonnets are an amazing way to express your thoughts. You did an amazing job, Eve. Because of the iambic pentameter, they are a bit difficult to stick to, but you mastered it any way! ^_^
ReplyDeleteThey are. Writing this really helped me to get individual syllables down, but I still have major trouble identifying stresses. When it's got more than one syllable, it's alright, but I get completely thrown off when it's got only one. Sonnets are great, though, yes. :) Thank you!!
DeleteYou need to actually recite the words loud for that. Maybe that will help you. I don't actually write in this manner. The only time I have strictly follwed a syllable count is while writing a 'tanka.'
ReplyDeleteYes, they are lovely! I studied them during my graduation.
I try that every time I attempt to follow a certain style or form, but when it comes to those one-syllable words my ears just can't pick up the subtle differences in stress yet. They all sound the same to me lol. But I just need to keep on practicing.. Online dictionaries are a great help, too!
DeleteI typically don't either, though I've been trying to do more structured styles lately. Ooo, I'm not familiar with the tanka. Just looked it up though - reminds me somewhat of a haiku, except a bit longer!